“What Do You Want?”

Recently I was talking with my close friend, who often acts as a mentor to me, and the conversation turned to my social life. My social life is an ongoing source of frustration for me, because I’m still building a social circle, and sometimes going to events or getting together with friends is difficult because of transportation issues or scheduling.

I told him I wished I had the social abilities he seems to have. Some days, he’s in contact with probably dozens of people, between face to face interactions, texting, phone calls, and various venues of online messaging. Setting aside the contacts that are related to his business, not his personal life, there are still well over a dozen social interactions in any of his days. I said I’m sometimes hard on myself because I don’t reach out to people, and I don’t take the time to message people online very often.

He said, “Before you worry about messaging, and instead of being hard on yourself, first you need to figure out if that’s really what you want. What do you want?”

Good question. As a holistic mentor, one of my roles in my clients’ lives is to help them figure out what they want, but sometimes I struggle to answer that question for myself. My brain tells me I “should” want to have friends, to keep in touch with people, to act a certain way online and in social situations… but are those things I really want? Or are they just the “shoulds” that people have fed to me in my life?

When you’re sure you want something in your life, but you hold back from going after it or procrastinate, or make excuses about why you aren’t doing it, ask yourself what you want. Because what you *think* you want might not actually be it.

What Are You Creating?

What are you creating in your life?

For some people, hearing they create their own lives, or they create things in their lives, is problematic. They hear it as victim-blaming if they’ve had traumatic experiences, or they just don’t believe it’s true, because magic isn’t a thing.

(Magic *is* a thing, but that’s a different subject for a different time.)

Creating your life, or aspects of your life, doesn’t mean you’re at fault when things go wrong. If we don’t know our own creative power, we don’t have control over what happens. We have to learn that we can have that control, and then how to use it.

When we think hard about something, really want—or don’t want—it, often it comes into our lives. We’re putting so much time and thought into it, and therefore we’re putting a ton of energy into it. Energy calls to energy, and the energy we put out draws whatever it is we’re devoting energy to.

If we understand that, we can begin to consciously and intentionally create what’s in our lives. If we’re constantly stressed about money and trying to figure out how to get it, and thinking about how we don’t have it, we’re unconsciously creating not having it. We aren’t putting energy into having money; we’re putting energy into the lack of it. But if we can shift that thinking into fully believing, and putting our total energy into, the idea that we have the money we want and need, we will have that money.

That doesn’t mean it’s going to drop into our laps, of course. When we consciously create something in our lives, it doesn’t appear out of thin air. At least not usually. What does appear is opportunity, and we need to stay open to the opportunities that arise to bring us what we’re creating.

So what are you creating in your life? And what do you want to create? Think about how you can do that.

Roadblocks

What are your roadblocks?

It’s relatively common for people to put up roadblocks in their lives. The “I can’t” and “I shouldn’t” that cause us to avoid doing things we want to do, or cause us to stop trying if we aren’t immediately successful. Of course, those roadblocks are often what cause us not to be successful in the first place. We aren’t always aware of our own roadblocks, though.

Money is a big one for some people. They get stuck on “I need to make money,” and that blocks them from doing things they love, or from pursuing an opportunity that doesn’t look lucrative.

Doubt is a huge roadblock for some. We doubt we have the capability, or that we deserve to do what we’re trying to do, or that it’s even possible.

Fear is probably the biggest roadblock of all. Fear of not having enough, not being enough, not doing enough. Fear of failure—and sometimes, fear of success.

Those are far from the only roadblocks people experience in their lives, but they’re among the most common.

So what are your roadblocks? What is stopping you right now from doing something you would love to do, or something you believe would make your life better? Think about those things. Try to reason with yourself about them. Imagine what your life would be like if those roadblocks went away.

The thing about roadblocks is that we put them up ourselves, sometimes without even realizing it. And since we put them up, we can also tear them down. Recognizing what they are is the first step. Then figuring out, on our own or with help and support from friends, family, and/or professionals, how to remove them.

And then the way is clear for us to change our lives. We just have to try.