Imposter Syndrome Happens

I started learning Chios Energy Healing after the first time I had a Chios healing session, which I blogged about recently. After I’d trained a bit, it was time to start *doing* Chios sessions.

This was not as easy as I’d thought it would be.

I didn’t have a lot of confidence in my skills. I knew I was a good healer; I’d been told things since childhood that indicated it. But actually doing a session with another person, intentionally, with skills I was still learning and didn’t feel I’d mastered, was a different prospect entirely. Especially since the first person who requested a session from me was my mentor.

He was someone who had studied energy and energy healing for years. He was a Reiki master as well as a Certified Chios Master Teacher, and from my perspective in the sewer of low self-esteem, he knew more about everything than I did. How could I dare do a healing session with him?

By this point, he knew me well enough to understand my fears. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to do the healing. I had a massive case of what some people might call Imposter Syndrome. “I don’t know enough, and this person’s going to realize I’m a fraud! Or worse, I’m going to totally screw everything up!”

I didn’t screw anything up. I did the session perfectly competently, though he pointed out afterward that I had been noticeably nervous and I might want to work on that before I did sessions with anyone else. He understood the nerves, but a client who was relying on me to provide healing might not. But, he told me, I brought him a lot of benefit through that one session.

Imposter Syndrome happens, especially for someone from a background like mine. I was taught most of my life that I knew nothing, was worth nothing, and had no business “pretending” otherwise. I also was a perfectionist before I could even pronounce the word; even as a toddler, I refused to do anything unless I was sure I could do it completely right the first time around. Which meant there were an awful lot of things I never did.

I’ll be honest. I still get nervous before healing sessions. Not nearly as much as when I did that first session back in 2006, fortunately, but still, every time there’s that little niggle of “What if I don’t actually know what I’m doing? What if they think I’m a fraud?” It’s normal to have those questions. It doesn’t mean I’m not an effective healing practitioner. It means that as I help others work on their healing, I’m still working on my own, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

I was angry the day I did that first healing session, because I was afraid and my mentor refused to let me back out. He was right not to let me. Fear will become an insurmountable obstacle if you let it win even once. So even though fear still follows me around and whispers in my ear, I’m thankful my mentor pushed me through it that one time, so that now, I can push through it on my own.

I Was Skeptical About Chios…

In 2005, I became friends with someone. We bonded over a shared love of reading and writing, but as we spent more time together, I found out he had other interests as well. Things like energy healing, which I’d never heard of or at least had heard extremely little about.

As our friendship grew, I shared things with him about my life. Traumas I’d experienced as a child and was still experiencing in my marriage at the time. Healing didn’t occur to me; I didn’t know it was a possible thing. I just knew it felt good to talk to someone who seemed to care.

After a while, he offered me a Chios Energy Healing session. Once he explained it to me, I figured maybe it wouldn’t hurt, but I didn’t expect much to come of it. To be honest, mostly I only agreed to it because I wanted to spend more time with my friend, and this would be a reason to do so. Plus I didn’t want to disappoint him or upset him; my fear, irrational though it was, was that if I didn’t let him do a healing session with me, he wouldn’t be my friend anymore. I needed the friendship; it was the only thing in my life at the time that I felt like I was doing right. (I loved my kids, and they were my heart, but I knew I was screwing up as their mother.)

The day of the healing session, I was nervous. I didn’t know what to expect, and my friend couldn’t tell me much because healing sessions are different for everyone. When I realized I had to lie down on a massage table, I almost gave up then and there; I was afraid to do that. But I swallowed the fear and lay down, and my friend closed the door of the room so his cats wouldn’t try to “help,” and we got started.

Fourteen years later, and without notes to refer to, I don’t remember everything about the session. I remember crying a lot, and apologizing for it, and my friend telling me to stop apologizing. Trauma memories I’d intentionally buried resurfaced, along with memories I didn’t even recall suppressing. I talked throughout the session, telling my friend what was coming up, and he gently reassured me but refused to stop the session unless I explicitly said to. Which I didn’t, because as hard as facing these things was for me, I knew it would ultimately benefit me.

Afterward, he gave me something to eat and drink. I don’t remember what it was, only that it was something I liked, and it was vegan (because everything he ate or drank was vegan). I felt exhausted and shaky, and stabilizing my emotions seemed impossible. But I also felt triumphant, because I’d allowed the session and I’d gotten through it.

For over a week afterward, as the energy filtered through my system, memories and ideas and thoughts continued to surface. My friend patiently waded through pages of emails to address my concerns and offer support as I dealt with the memories. He never once told me to get therapy (we both knew I needed it, he knew I couldn’t get it at that point because of my husband, and he knew I knew I needed it). He never told me to get over anything, or to let it go, or to stop whining, or any of the other things I’d heard from people who claimed they wanted to “help.” He simply listened–well, read, anyway–and reassured.

I kept having sessions with him, but after just that first session, I knew I needed to learn Chios. It had had such a profound impact on me, and I wanted to share that impact with others. My friend strongly recommended I have one or two more sessions myself before I started learning, which I did. He was my instructor, and I was so excited to learn it that I went through all three levels in under four months.

That friendship and those healing sessions made an incredible difference in my life, and although the friendship itself only lasted about two years, the impact has lasted ever since. And that friend is a huge part of why I do what I do.

Sharing Chios

Since Chios Energy Healing, the modality I practice, isn’t very well-known, one of my chosen missions is to bring awareness of it to more people. That’s part of the aim behind my #Healing100, in which for 100 days, all private Chios and channeling sessions are discounted by 40% to make them more accessible to more people.

But private sessions don’t necessarily help get the word out, so I also am always thankful for the chance to offer Chios sessions or teach Chios workshops in other venues. This weekend, I get one of those opportunities! I’ll be at Elemental Energies, 27 North Berwick Road, Wells, ME from 10-4 offering Chios healing sessions. (These sessions are slightly different in terms of length and logistics from the private sessions, so the rate is lower and the #Healing100 discount does not apply.)

People are welcome to contact Elemental Energies in advance (you can find contact info on their website, http://www.chrisann-jeff.com) to guarantee a spot, or just walk in. 

Elemental Energies is a great store to visit, in my opinion. A couple of weeks ago, I brought my offspring and grandsons there, and all of them enjoyed the energy. Jeff, one of the owners, even took some time to teach my 6-year-old grandson about runes, which fascinated my grandson! So if you come in and decide not to have a Chios session, you’ll still have a wonderful experience visiting this high-vibration store.

Yeah, okay, I know this post sounds like an ad, but it does come from the heart. I teamed up with Chris Ann and Jeff to offer Chios at their store because of the incredible positive energy, and because of the chance to spread the word about Chios. And I hope to see you there!

#Healing100

As a prospective client (for healing, coaching, channeling, etc.), I’ve often found the cost prohibitive. Not necessarily because the practitioners are overcharging; usually they aren’t, though there are some…

But because I am disabled, and I’m on an extremely tight budget. Do I put gas in my car or have an oracle card reading? Do I pay my rent or sign up with a business coach? These are the choices I face on a regular basis, especially while I’m still trying to get my own business off the ground. (Something which is also hampered by finances.)

I’ve heard others talk about how they wish they could have a healing session, or a channeling session, or work with a life coach, but they can’t afford it. And since I know how that feels, I decided to do something about it.

For 100 days, which started yesterday (Aug. 11) and runs through November 18, I’ve discounted my energy healing and channeling services *for private clients only* by 40%. It’s my hope that doing this will enable more people to benefit from the services. You can find more information on my Chios Energy Healing and Channeling pages.

(Discount does not apply to Chios Energy Healing instruction, to workshops, or to sessions held in stores.)

Upcoming Events

I’m excited to have a few events and appearances planned over the next couple of months! Please note that these are subject to change, depending on enrollment and other factors, but as of today this is the current schedule.

On Sunday, August 18, I’ll be at Mindful Intentions, 193 River Street, Troy, NY. I visited this store when I was in Troy for my birthday a few weeks ago, and it’s an amazingly high-vibration place. I’m really looking forward to doing a combination Intro to Chios/Chios Level 1 workshop there! The workshop runs from 12-3, and pre-registration is required. Facebook event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/350436045904437/

 

On Saturday, August 24, I’ll be at a benefit psychic fair at Elemental Energies, 27 N. Berwick Road, Wells, ME from 10-5. This store is huge, with plenty of awesome crystals and other things. There will be a number of practitioners at the fair. I’ll be sharing information about Chios and, weather and space permitting, doing brief Chios sessions and demonstrations. Please note: Due to allergies, no outside food is permitted on site. Elemental Energies website event page: https://www.chrisann-jeff.com/events.html

 

On Saturday, September 7, I’ll be back at Elemental Energies doing Chios Energy Healing sessions from 10-4. Pre-registration and payment is required. Elemental Energies website class page: https://www.chrisann-jeff.com/classes.html

 

On Saturday, October 12, I’ll be at Elemental Energies yet again for a Chios Level 1 workshop. Pre-registration and payment is required, and it is strongly recommended that participants have a Chios healing session prior. See the above-linked class page for more information.

If you have any questions, please contact the venues, comment here, or email me at kim@riverflowhealing.com. Hope to see you!

“How Do You Know It Isn’t a Demon?”

NOTE: Because I like to be clear and honest, I want to point out that the dialogue in this post is paraphrased.

At a fair in which I participated recently, I was talking with the woman at the table beside me about the services I offer. I mentioned that I would be offering channeling beginning this summer, and she seemed a little upset. “How do you know it’s safe? What precautions are you taking?”

I didn’t have an answer for that right off the bat. I’ve known my guides since I was very young, so young I couldn’t quite conceptualize what they were or what their names were. (I called the three primary ones “Big John, Little John, and Jesus.” I was three. Names weren’t my strong point.) I told her this, and she said, “Well, you know, demons have a way of getting to people who’ve suffered trauma and making the person think they’re good when they aren’t.”

I had to step away from the conversation for a few minutes. First of all, weird as it may sound, in the course of my work with my mentor years ago, I encountered a couple of demons. One was masquerading as a guide who treated their “host” like shit. The other’s energy clung to me after I did a Chios Energy Healing session on someone, and until my mentor recognized the situation, I was physically ill and in a seriously crappy mood. So I have a pretty good sense of what demonic energy feels like.

Second, as I said, I’ve known my guides most of my life. I’ve worked with Shiva in previous lives. Apparently one of my other guides–a spirit guide–and I were friends and partners in his last incarnate lifetime, a few hundred years ago. I know how their energy feels, too. Warm, loving, patient even when I’m being kind of hard to deal with. They’ve kept me alive for almost 49 years. They guide me, as their label would imply, and keep me going on the right path for me even when I’m ready to give up.

So I was kind of ticked off when this woman asked how I knew my guides weren’t demons, and I didn’t quite have words to explain. After a few minutes, though, I resumed the discussion and was able to give a few answers to her original question of what precautions I take when channeling.

  • I’m an impermeable channel. That means that only my own guides can communicate with me unless they or I give permission for another being to do so. (The demon thing I mention above wasn’t a case of the entity communicating with me; its energy stuck to me. And in discussing it with my guides, I’d apparently, subconsciously, given consent for that to happen to help my client.) Shiva is the only one of my guides whom I actively channel; the others talk to me, but I don’t consider it quite the same thing. And even if I wanted to channel another being, Shiva wouldn’t allow it.
  • I work a lot with light energy, something my mentor and Shiva taught me after the demon incident. When I’m preparing to channel, I’m also surrounding myself with light and/or golden energy, which I extend to encompass anyone in the room.
  • I’m careful about where I channel. I do an energetic cleansing of my apartment at least a couple of times a month. If I’m doing an in-person session, it’s at a location I know is equally diligent about cleansing. Sometimes I even cast a circle, like I do before performing rituals as a witch. I invite my clients to do whatever they need in order to feel safe, as well.

Other people might have different means of protecting themselves and their clients. The woman with whom I was speaking said something about how she “calls on the true God for protection.” That’s VERY paraphrased; I can’t remember the exact term she used, but she was clearly referring to God in the sense that most religions view God. Since my spiritual path doesn’t include belief in a “one true god,” that isn’t really applicable to me, and her phrasing unfortunately put me in mind of the “true Christians” who’ve tried converting me over the years.

The last thing I’ll risk is putting my clients or myself in harm’s way, during either a Chios or a channeling session. As I said, that includes inviting my clients to take their own precautions if they feel the need to do so, though I have had an incident where a client’s “precautions” actually allowed negative energy into the session.

Not everything works for everyone. I believe in an ultimate creative power, but I also believe that power has many aspects. I believe Shiva is as benevolent as he seems because I feel the energy. I believe in my own power, and I believe I take the precautions I need to take in order to protect my clients and myself. People who don’t trust this don’t have to have channeling sessions with me; there are plenty out there who channel.

On June 3, I’m officially introducing channeling as a service of River Flow Healing. 30-minute sessions will be available in-person at Vita Therapia in Westford, MA, or online via Skype or Facebook video messenger. Email channelings consisting of the answers to 1-3 questions will also be available. If you contact me at schedule@riverflowhealing.com with “Channeling request” as the subject line between now and June 2, you’ll receive your channeling at 20% off the regular price.

The Vibrational Cycle

Last week, I talked about energetic vibration and how raising it can help you create a more positive reality for yourself. Energetic vibration doesn’t change on its own. A lot of factors contribute to the health of your energy system, and to your physical and mental health. And they’re all intertwined.

One of the biggest things that can contribute to having a lower vibration is having a depleted or imbalanced energy system. If your chakras are blocked or energy isn’t flowing through them properly, your vibration will be lower. If there are holes in your energy field through which energy is leaking out, you’ll feel run-down, which might lead to you feeling cranky and snapping at people, which will lower your vibration.

Everything works together. You don’t exist in a vacuum, and neither do your energy system, physical and physiological systems, and your mind and emotions. As you go through your day, you’ll encounter and be affected by other humans.

For example, you’re driving to work. Other drivers are on the road. One of those drivers changes lanes suddenly, cutting you off, so you have to slam on your brakes.

If you’re already operating with a depleted or damaged energy system, you’re likely feeling tired and unwell. You’re putting your reserves into getting through the day, so you don’t have anything left over to keep you from losing your temper with the guy who just cut you off.

Adrenaline courses through you, likely along with stress hormones like cortisol, due to the sudden danger of a potential collision. You start yelling and pounding the steering wheel with your fist. Your chest hurts from the sudden tightening of the seat belt when you hit your brakes. People behind you are honking, which just raises your temper even further. How dare they be pissed off at you, when the dipstick in front of you was the one who caused the problem?

On an energetic level, small holes start forming in the energy field around your fist and chest. Your third chakra, which governs emotions, was probably already out of balance, and it goes even further out of balance as you yell and swear. With the rush of adrenaline, your sacral chakra also has gone out of balance. Your head starts aching, with additional damage and effects on your third eye chakra and the energy field around it.

The immediate situation calms down. The dipstick driver has already gone on their merry way, unaware of the issues they caused. This causes you to feel angrier, but you accept you can’t do anything about it. The rush of hormones settles. You take a few deep breaths, stop yelling, and continue on your drive to work.

But all day, you keep thinking about the driver who cut you off, and each time you think about them, your anger rises again. Your headache doesn’t let up, which leads to you feeling more frustrated and impatient than usual with your job or coworkers. By the end of the day, you’re exhausted, you’re pissed off, and all you want to do is go home and hide, except that you have to get through the traffic first, and then you have to deal with whomever you share your home with before you can actually relax.

Quite likely, meanwhile, things have continued going wrong with your day, and each additional piece of stress leaves you feeling angrier, which leaves you feeling more physically run down, which leads to difficulty focusing or handling situations in your job, which leads to even more things going wrong.

Your vibration was already low because general day-to-day stress, lack of attention to your own well-being, forgoing self-care and rest, and other things depleted and unbalanced your energy system. In turn, this affected your physical health and well-being, which affected your ability to manage your emotions effectively. Losing your temper affected you physically and energetically, which impacts your health, which impacts your ability to manage emotions effectively, and round and round it goes. And the lower your vibration goes, the more things that further lower your vibration occur.

To raise your vibration, you need to break the cycle. In the moment, immediately after the driver cuts you off in traffic, it isn’t easy to do this, but you can start by trying to take the deep breaths instead of yelling and swearing. Pull to the side of the road, if you can, and close your eyes for a moment. Say, out loud if you can, “I intend to raise my vibration to higher and higher levels”; it might feel odd, but just stating the intention starts the process.

In the longer term, you can raise your vibration on a more permanent level by having regular energy healing sessions. Just as you need to see your doctor regularly to keep your body functioning at optimal levels, seeing an energy healing practitioner regularly keeps your energy system in balance, and can repair energetic damage and wear and tear before it leads to depletion.

Just as a lower vibration can lead to more things going wrong, a higher vibration can lead to more things going right. You’re putting out positive, healthy energy, which brings positive things to you. Your healthier energy system leads to a healthier mind and body, each of which leads to further health overall.
Find ways to raise your vibration, whether through meditating, spending time in activities that bring you joy, or even daily stating of “I intend to raise my vibration to higher and higher levels. Keep your physical and mental health in good shape through self-care, attention to your basic needs, and regular medical and, if needed, psychological care. And keep your energetic health in good shape through regular energy healing sessions.

I offer Chios Energy Healing sessions in person or by distance, and would love to work with you on raising your vibration and maintaining your energetic health. Visit the Chios Energy Healing page for more information.

 

Fighting the Violent Rabbit of Change

A lot of us talk about doing our inner work. Working on ourselves. Our mindset. Our health. We all have work we need to do, absolutely. Life is an ongoing process of change and growth, and to change and grow, we need to do the work.

But how many times do we say, “I’m going to work on this,” and it becomes busywork? The work becomes what we do to avoid the work. We say we’re going to do the work. We make lists of the things we’re going to do. We put it in our calendar. And then we look at the lists and calendar notices and say, “See? I’m working on it!”

Working on ourselves, doing our inner work, is scary. We’re conditioned to fear change. In some ways, we’re created to fear change. Our ego sees change and yells, “Change! Auughh! Run away! Run away!” It’s like change is that violent rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and we’re the knights running away.

So our egos come up with every possible way to make us feel like we’re doing what we need to do, and feel like we’re making the changes, and think that things are happening, when they’re not. All we’re really doing is covering up the work we need to do with the busywork we’re doing so we can say “See, I’m working on it.” I know I’m guilty of this over and over again, and it’s something I’m trying to be better about.

Think about it. If you say you’re doing work on yourself, are you really? If you are, that’s great! But there’s no shame in saying, “I’m going to do the work,” and then having your ego convince you that you’re doing the work when you’re really not. That’s human. We’re human; we have egos. That’s what happens.

But sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the inner work we say we’re doing, at the inner changes we say we’re making, and decide, “Are we really doing this?” Or is our ego saying, “Look, I put it in the calendar! Look, I made a list! I’m working!” so it can keep running away from that violent rabbit of change?

Facing that violent rabbit is easier with support. Talk to friends or loved ones. Get professional help if you feel it’s warranted. Energy healing can also help bring up possible changes to make, and give you the clarity to make them. I have openings for new Chios clients now; please comment here or visit my Chios Energy Healing page for more information.

Getting In Balance

As I’ve mentioned in the past few weeks’ posts, there are a number of signs that your energy system might be out of balance, and a number of ways that might happen. There are also plenty of potential benefits to bringing your energy back into balance. But how can you do that?

The most effective way to rebalance your energy system and maintain that balance, once you’ve treated any physical or mental causes, is to have regular energy healing sessions with a skilled practitioner. But there are also things you can do on your own that will help.

  1. Rest. Our society is often focused on do, do, do, and achieve, achieve, achieve. We push ourselves to and past our limits. Parents not only deal with their jobs and other obligations and commitments, but also put themselves in the position of straining their resources for their children’s sake. Although “taking time to rest” might feel impossible, it’s important. A car can’t run on an empty gas tank.
  2. Put time and focus into your health. See your health care professional(s) regularly. If you have health concerns, seek treatment instead of letting the concerns linger and grow. Be mindful of what and how much you eat. If possible, and with your doctor’s guidance if necessary, make sure you have some sort of physical activity on a regular basis.
  3. Meditate. Even five minutes of sitting alone quietly with your eyes closed can be of benefit.
  4. Create or stay connected to a spiritual practice, if this feels right for you. “Spiritual” can mean something as simple as observing a tree; it doesn’t have to be religious or connected to a deity. Spiritual practice has different meanings for different people, so go with what works for you.
  5. Do things that cause you to feel happy or positive. This might even include doing something that you enjoyed as a child, like coloring or blowing bubbles. Anything that boosts your mood will help you energetically and in other ways.

And of course, treating yourself to an energy healing session will help. I’m open to new clients now; see my Chios Energy Healing page for more information.

Benefits of Balance

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been talking about what happens when your energy system is out of balance and what might cause that imbalance. Today, I’d like to share some of the benefits you might experience when your energy system is in balance.

It’s important to note, as I’ve done in the previous posts, that energy is not everything. Energy healing is not a substitute for medical or mental health treatment, and any physical or mental symptoms should be discussed with a professional to ensure that illnesses or injuries are treated effectively before looking toward energetic treatment.

If your energy system has been out of balance, you have probably experienced some negative effects, as I discussed in my February 14th post. When your system is back in balance, here are some positive results you might see. No results are guaranteed, but these are some that I myself have experienced after receiving energy healing treatment, and that my clients have reported.

  1. You might feel more rested and find yourself sleeping better, particularly if you have also received treatment for underlying causes of exhaustion or poor sleep.
  2. You might find it easier to focus your attention on tasks you want to complete, whether those are work-related, household chores, or simply things you want to do for yourself.
  3. You might find that things that have stressed you out don’t have as much of an effect on you.
  4. You might find yourself better able to effectively and constructively express and manage your emotions. (If you are experiencing emotional or mental distress, please seek help from a professional.)
  5. You might experience an increase in positive emotions.
  6. You might feel more energized or motivated.
  7. Your sense of well-being and connection to yourself might increase.
  8. Other aspects of your life might become better or more easily balanced, such as your work, family, and social life.
  9. You might gain more clarity on situations you’ve been trying to address.

These are only some of the benefits I’ve experienced or have been told about by clients. Again, nothing is guaranteed, and while you may also experience health benefits, energy healing is not a replacement for traditional health care.

If you’re interested in seeing what benefits you can receive from an energy healing session, I have openings for new clients! Visit my Chios Energy Healing page for more information.